Simple Tools to Calm Big Emotions Fast

Anger and frustration are normal — we all feel them.  When life feels unfair, when we’re tired, overwhelmed, or not being heard, those big feelings can build up fast.  (And we all know that when our big feelings build up, it's so much harder to respond in a calm manner, which can hurt people's feelings.)  The problem isn’t that we feel angry (that’s good — we want to feel and acknowledge our feelings) — it’s what happens when we don’t know how to release it in safe and gentle ways.

When anger gets stuck inside, it can turn into stress, sadness, guilt, or even physical pain. When it comes out in the wrong way, it can hurt our relationships, and leave us feeling worse, not better.  (I think we’ve all said things in the heat of the moment that we later wish we hadn’t — or that we’d at least responded in a more calm and measured way.)

This blog gives some ideas for some healthy ways to release anger and frustration — ways that help you feel calmer, clearer, and more in control — without harming yourself, or anyone else.  (Because wouldn’t it feel good to acknowledge our feelings, and release them safely so they no longer hold us in their grip?)

We'll look at some gentle, safe, and powerful ways to let those feelings move through you and out of your body. 

I actually had one example yesterday, when I was driving with a friend.  The trip was supposed to take around 30-45 minutes — however, it took closer to one and a half hours of stop-start traffic the whole way.  It was quite hot, too, and we were meeting someone at a specific time, which increased our frustration.  As a result, I decided to put some music on.  My friend and I went through a few cds (yes, I know it’s ‘old-fashioned’, however I had some in the car, and my car plays them! 😊), and I got to sing and dance on the way to our appointment rather than getting more and more frustrated (which wouldn’t have helped anyone).  This way, my friend and I learned more about our musical tastes (quite similar, actually!), as well as releasing our frustration and having fun (because yes, we sang out loud, and I was dancing as I drove)!

Before we jump into some tools you can use, I thought it might be helpful to acknowledge that feelings are there for a reason, and shouldn’t be ‘stuffed down’. 

The feelings that arise are there to tell us to reflect on the situation.  Why are you angry?  Is it a signal that your boundaries need to be strengthened?  (If so, our blog How to Set Boundaries with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: A Kind and Gentle Approach can help.) Or are you frustrated because you expected something to be done, and it wasn't? (We did a blog on this too! How to Manage Expectations for More Peace & A Sense of Freedom. Or perhaps you feel a bit overwhelmed (our blog How to Find the Perfect Balance Between Rest and Productivity may be helpful for this).

Remember, your anger is not ‘bad.’  Your frustration is not a failure.  They are in fact helpful signals — not flaws.  They often show up when:

• Your needs aren’t being met

• Your boundaries feel crossed

• You feel tired, stressed, or overloaded

• You feel unseen or unappreciated

Releasing anger safely starts with allowing yourself to have the feeling (instead of storing it in your mind, body, and soul), rather than pushing it down or judging yourself for it.  Feeling your feelings, and releasing the ‘stuck’ energy, is the healthiest option for us.  It allows our mind, body and soul to flow, to be flexible — in addition to freeing up our energy, and allowing our body to move more freely (rather than stiffening up with anger and resentment).

A quick note before we get to them: Most times, the gentler versions outlined below work well for me.  However, when I’m feeling the emotions very strongly, or it’s been building up over a period of time, there is an additional method that works for me when the gentler ones don’t work.  And while technically it’s not ‘gentle’— and some people may look at me sideways for suggesting this — it’s worked for me, and I feel the benefit of releasing the stronger emotions in a timely manner is more beneficial than only doing the gentler versions which may not work in all circumstances.  It’s not for everyone, but I wanted to offer this, in case this is what you need in some circumstances.  I’ll let you be the judge, when you get to the bonus section at the end of the potential tools you can use/try!  😉

Anger is a strong emotion, and as such, carries a lot of energy.  If that energy stays trapped in your body, it can feel heavy and tense.  Movement helps the energy move out, allowing you to feel a little calmer, and for your brain to think, rather than stew.

You could try:

• Going for a fast walk

• Shaking your arms and legs for 1–2 minutes

• Dancing to loud music in your living room (use headphones if you need to)

• Doing a few strong stretches or yoga poses

You don’t need a full workout.  Even a few minutes of moving with intention can make a big difference.

Benefit: releases tension, clears your head, and helps your body calm down faster.

Sometimes you just need to get your thoughts and energy out of your head.  I find that if you allow yourself to free-write, without editing or judging yourself, you end up finding more clarity, and you can let go of the feeling. 

You also learn more — about yourself, about others, and about the situation.  This can give you the space to consider how you would approach the situation if it comes up again.

Grab a notebook and write:

• What you’re angry about

• What you wish you could say

• What feels unfair

• What you really need right now

Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or being ‘nice.’  This is for your eyes only.

You can keep it, tear it up, or safely throw it away (or safely burn it) afterwards.

Benefit: helps you feel heard, even if no one else is around, and gives your emotions somewhere safe to land.

When we’re angry or frustrated, our body goes into stress mode.  (In ancient times, this was to give us lots of adrenaline, so we could run away from danger/dangerous animals.) 

If you’re not in danger now (it’s just a situation you find uncomfortable), we can manually calm our nervous system, allowing us to calm down (which in turn allows us to think).

Breathing slowly tells your body that you are safe, and allows us to come out of the flight or fright response (which was designed for short spurts of energy, not ongoing stress).

Try this simple breathing exercise:

• Inhale for 4

• Hold for 2

• Exhale for 6
  Repeat 5–10 times.

Longer exhales help your body relax.

You can also place one hand on your chest, and one on your belly, to feel your breath slow down.

Benefit: lowers stress, reduces emotional intensity, and helps you respond instead of react.

Holding things in can make anger grow.  You may stew on the feelings, and each time you think about it, you add to the anger, frustration, and resentment.  This is not good for your mind, body, or soul.  Releasing it helps you feel better, and approach things with a more relaxed attitude.

If it feels safe, you can:

• Talk out loud about how you feel

• Say what you wish you could say (when no one is around)

• Record a voice note and delete it after

Hearing yourself speak your truth can be very freeing.

If you do want to talk to someone, choose a person who listens without judging or fixing you.  (And if you don’t have anyone you trust around you, you could consider a trained counsellor.)

Benefit: releases pressure and helps you feel less alone with your feelings.

You don’t have to be ‘artistic’ for this to work.  It can be fun, designed purely to express yourself, and how you feel at any given moment.  It’s not for display, so you don’t have the colour co-ordinate – just grab whatever colours appeal to you and how you are feeling at that time, and let yourself go.

You could:

• Scribble with colours

• Play music and sing

• Do some mindful colouring (there are some great mindful colouring books out there)

• Create a small collage with words that match how you feel

This gives your emotions a way to move without needing the right words.  It also allows you express yourself freely and quietly, without judgement – just you, and your creativity.

Benefit: soothing, grounding, and helpful when talking feels too hard.

Although we all feel anger, there is usually something underneath that feeling.  (And yes, sometimes it can take a bit of digging to work out what that feeing is.)  Under the ‘now’ feeling of anger, there is often something softer, like:

• Hurt

• Fear

• Disappointment

• Feeling unimportant

Gently ask yourself:

• ‘What do I really need right now?’

• ‘What boundary might need some care?’

• ‘What am I tired of carrying?’

This is not about blaming yourself.  It’s about reflecting, going within, and understanding yourself with kindness.  This can help us grow, and manage our feeling better going forward.

Benefit: helps turn emotional pain into clear, loving action.

After you’ve released some of the anger, do something that helps you feel safe and calm again, like:

• Having a warm shower (or a relaxing bath with Epsom salts or lavender)

• Making a cup of tea

• Sitting outside for a few minutes

• Listening to calming music

This tells your body ‘It’s okay now. I’ve got you.’

Benefit: supports emotional healing and helps stop anger from building back up quickly.

Grab some heavier rock music or power ballads (eg. Linkin Park, AC/DC, Orgy, Korn, The Angels, etc.), put on some portable headphones, and go for a run.  You can also whisper/sing/yell (by the time I’m running to a good strong beat, I’m usually too puffed to sing very loudly anyway – which is great news for anybody around me!  😊), so I’m using everything (mind, body, and soul). 

My focus is on the music, and really feeling/singing the feelings out - I’m exercising, which is great for my body (and my mind and soul) - and by the time I’m finished, I’ve used all my extra energy, sung at the top of my voice (or whisper/sing; same thing 🤷), and wiped myself out.  I’ve had one or two people look at me as they walk by, but I either stop singing, or just ignore them (and they usually get out of my way 😆).  I’m usually feeling a lot more peaceful by the time I finish – and I’ve done some exercise to boot!  😊

I’ve mentioned how important this is throughout the article, but when anger stays stuck inside, it can:

• Drain your energy

• Affect your sleep

• Create distance in relationships (when you snap at people, or are short with them)

• Make small problems feel much bigger

When you release anger in healthy ways, you create space for:

• Peace

• Clear thinking

• Better choices

• More self-respect

• Kinder connections with others

This is part of living your Best Life — not by never feeling angry (sometimes it feels justified), but by knowing how to care for yourself when you do.

Allowing yourself the time and space to process your anger, frustration, and/or resentment, allows you to release the energy caught up with the emotions. 

In turn, you can then use that to consider and reflect, and review — what did you learn from the experience?  What can you change going forward?  In this way, you use the experience to learn, and grow — this is how you accumulate wisdom.  Each time you do this, you learn more about yourself, and learn how to manage your emotions better.

We have a free Checklist & Journal Prompts for Managing Your Emotions, so download it now, and use it when you’re next feeling angry, frustrated, or resentful.

Learning how to handle big feelings takes time.  You won’t always get it perfect, and that’s okay.  What matters is that you keep choosing safer, kinder ways to support yourself instead of turning your feelings against yourself or others. 

It’s a learned skill — the more you practice, the better you will get — and the freer you will feel.

You deserve calm.  You deserve respect — from others and from yourself.  And you deserve healthy ways to release what’s weighing you down.

One small step at a time really does add up. 

And our free download, Checklist & Journal Prompts for Managing Your Emotions, was designed to help.  Check it out now!

1. Is it normal to feel angry or frustrated a lot?

Yes, it really is. Anger and frustration are normal human emotions, especially when you’re stressed, tired, overwhelmed, or feeling unheard. Feeling angry or frustrated does not mean there is something wrong with you. It simply means something inside you needs reflection, care, rest, or support.

2. What happens if I keep holding my anger inside?

When anger stays trapped, it can turn into stress, anxiety, sadness, or even physical tension and pain. It can also come out later in ways you don’t mean, like snapping at loved ones, or feeling emotionally drained. Learning healthy ways to release anger helps protect your emotional health, and your relationships.

3. Are there healthy ways to release anger without yelling or hurting anyone?

Yes, there are many safe and healthy ways to release anger. Moving your body, deep breathing, writing your feelings down, talking to someone you trust, and doing creative activities can all help release built-up emotions without harming yourself or others.

4. How do I calm down when I feel angry in the moment?

If you feel angry right now, start with your breath. Slow, deep breathing helps your body relax. You can also step away from the situation for a few minutes, stretch your body, or go for a short walk. These simple actions can help you calm down before you respond.

5. Does releasing anger mean I’m ignoring the real problem?

Not at all. Releasing anger helps you calm your body and mind so you can think more clearly. Once you feel calmer, it’s often easier to understand what’s really bothering you, and decide on a healthy action, or consider whether a new boundary might be needed.

6. What if I don’t know why I’m angry?

That’s very common. Sometimes anger shows up before we understand the deeper feeling underneath, like hurt, fear, or feeling unappreciated. Gentle journaling, quiet time, or talking things through can help you discover what your emotions are trying to tell you. I find going on a walk, or a run, can also help clarify your feelings.

7. How often should I use these anger release tools?

You can use them anytime you feel tension building up — even before you feel really angry. Many people find that small daily habits, like walking, stretching, breathing, or journaling, help stop anger and frustration from building up in the first place.

8. Can learning to manage anger really improve my life?

Yes, it can make a big difference. When you know how to release anger in healthy ways, you often feel calmer, more confident, and more in control of your reactions. This can improve your relationships, your energy levels, and your overall sense of peace — all important parts of living your Best Life.

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https://mhanational.org/resources/10-healthy-ways-to-release-rage/

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/03/12/1236973762/anger-management-types-purpose-cause

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/mindful-anger/201405/the-five-steps-mindfully-releasing-anger

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434

This blog post is for general information and support only.  It is not a replacement for professional medical, mental health, or crisis care.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, unsafe, or struggling to cope, please reach out to a qualified health professional or a trusted support service in your area.  You deserve the care, understanding, and qualified, real support when things feel hard.